caught a cold. killing it off.
too much stress, surely.
need yin. need a certain kind of open world and connectedness. worldc feels sort of closed off and uncolorful right now. i recognize that feeling as depression. i don't want drugs though, really.
have used two girlfriends as catalysts to open up and be more connected and adventureish - that's actually WAY WAY WAY too frivilous a word for what i mean. occurrs to me to learn to generate that myself. the biggest stop in my head right now is thinking of being "out there" whereever it is alone, with no partner. it's not about being afraid of things happening or no support, it's about feeling lonely with no special one to share the particular experience with. why i don't generate certain things, other than that, i don't know.
i'm typing with my eyes closed. just sort of sleeping and typing.
if you can see someone's biases when they're advising you, you can take with grain of salt when necessary and not have mistaken advice throw you off or damage you. i just thought of that.
in the bath earlier, i thought here's how you know that it's ok if you miss your deadline or meeting, the world won't end: if an earthquake caused you to miss your meeting, would the earthquake be made worse by your having not been at the meeting?
i don't care what people say, new mexico is encased in a certain spiritual bubble. probably a great place to go train or be healed, but i'm not sure it's the place to be if you're needing to be in the thick of things. maybe it's just that way for me. good place to have a home that you come back to to rest after travelling into the thick of things though.
analagoy about that: recording studio. recording studio is not where you make the connections that make you popular. it is where you have to return to to make your product, but you have to leave it and take your creations out.
it's like the lab. one might need a lab, but they need to go OUT of it to do the real work. sort of like a super hero cave. batman is definitionetly very secluded in his bat cave, it is very oslated and hidden, but in order to do his actual work, he's out in the world.
an insanely hardcore april fool's joke was played on me. it was stressful. not mad, and have to hand it to person, but damn. was stressful.
needing nourishment. needing healing.liked the movie paul.
not gonna proof read this.